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Is it reasonable for school nights to say social media is off by 8:30pm and his bedtime is 9:45? He is almost 14 - is that too babyish?

In regards to weekday rules this is what I would suggest. Social media can be allowed between 8:30-45 and 9:30 then everything off. I would have it off after dinner until homework is basically finished. Then he can turn it back on. This allows for a quiet time to complete homework without distractions and it also serves as an incentive to get the work done so he can get back on the screens. If homework isn’t done or he is messing around you have something to withhold. A bedtime of 9:45 is reasonable even for that age. You can’t alter when he wakes up so it is best to work with the bedtime. He may complain as school starts but he will get tired quickly. If he seems to be awake later that’s fine you can adjust by suggesting he read until he falls asleep, that usually does it! As they get into adolescence they biologically just become night owls. On the weekends he can have more freedom. You can adjust as you see how he handles school.

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