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A WORD ABOUT THIS ADVICE


One of the hardest things about “parenting” is there is no absolute manual. These are a few suggestions that are helpful to keep in mind when working with your children. Each child responds differently to the same parental request. Customize the tips taking into account your children’s individual differences in age and temperament and apply them consistently and with love !!

Children
Adolescents

LIMIT SETTING MODEL

  • ALWAYS USE "YOU CHOOSE"

  • IF YOU CHOOSE THIS THAN                     

    AND IF YOU CHOOSE THIS THAN                    

  • DON'T USE "YOU'RE BAD"

    "BAD" IS SHAMING

A ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD'S FEELINGS
C COMMUNICATE THE LIMIT:
DON'T HAVE COMMANDS
T TARGET THE ALTERNATIVE:
WHAT'S OK

SIMPLE PARENTING SECRETS FOR SUCCESS

  • PRAISE YOUR CHILDREN FOR:

  • EFFORT
    STRATEGIES
    PERSEVERANCE NOT RESULTS

  • DISCIPLINE MEANS TO TEACH NOT TO PUNISH:

  • WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN? ASK WHY

TYPES OF ATTENTION

 GREAT  OK NOT OK
Positive Attention
No Attention
Negative Attention

Positive Attention

Reinforcement of behavior we want more of; praise good effort.

No Attention

Calmly stating you will engage with them once the behavior stops.

More useful than giving negative attention for most obnoxious, disruptive or annoying behaviors.

Negative Attention

• Criticizing or berating

• Active ignoring; turning a blind eye or taunting with gestures

Nearly as reinforcing as positive attention yet it will keep the cycle going.

HIGH NURTURE / HIGH STRUCTURE

Research has shown that providing your children with a highly structured and highly nurturing environment is the most effective form of parenting. Children particularly as they reach adolescence thrive when they have clear boundaries and rules reinforced by warm nurturing parents. Too often parents make the mistake of providing little structure and constant approval or strict rules and very little love. Either of those situations result in unaccountable or envelope pushing kids. As adults we are usually most happy and productive when we have a schedule and know what is expected of us. Children and adolescence are no different.



High Nurture
Low
Structure
High
Structure
Low Nurture

High Nurture / Low Structure

Parents that are permissive always making excuses or constantly praising their children — acting more as a friend than parent — will produce spoiled children. Children with little ability to tolerate real world situations, who usually struggle once their parents can no longer protect them.

High Nurture / High Structure

Most effective parenting: strong, independent, well adjusted children.

Low Nurture / Low Structure

Most children with little support of any kind fail to thrive. These children suffer from low self-esteem and lack of direction.

Low Nurture / High Structure

Authoritarian style parenting creates animosity between parent and child. The child will either be totally submissive or rebellious.






RULES FOR CLEAR DIRECTIONS

  • 1. Be direct

  • 2. Be positive

  • 3. One request at a time

  • 4. Specific and simple

  • 5. Age-appropriate

  • 6. Follow-up with 5 seconds of quiet

  • 7. Speak in a normal tone of voice

MYTHS OF TEENAGE ACTIVITY

  • MYTHS:

  • Raging hormones cause teenagers to go "crazy".

  • Teens just need to grow up. They are rebellious and oppositional because they want to be difficult.

  • Growing up requires shutting out your parents. They are the enemy.

DEPRESSION IS NOT JUST SADNESS

  • SIGNS TO WATCH FOR IN YOUR TEENS:

  • Decline in Energy

  • Noticeable Change in Eating Habits

  • Lack of Concentration

  • Irritability

  • Irregular Sleeping Habits

  • Withdrawal from Peers or Social Activity

  • Low Self-Esteem

  • Dangerous or Reckless Behavior

YOUR ADOLESCENT IS UNIQUE

  • Their brain is expanding and pruning at the same time.

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